Keeping it Real with Three Kiddos.

Today I am the classic no-make up mom with spit up on her shirt. Gunnar is 3 weeks old, and we are in between the extremes of such deliciously sweet snuggles and mind-numbing screaming. We've worked out a nighttime system that feels somewhat functional, but Matt and I both rise not feeling rested, and the kids wake with full-on energy. I'm thankful that these same days when the big two were each tiny have taught me that this stage is mercifully short- a few weeks really, in hindsight.

Kenna is emotionally trying- everything eventually causes a break down, every conversation requires tons of patience and explanation, but she's also my diaper-bringer and water cup-refiller and absolutely loves to hold baby brother. Finn is physically trying- so busy and rough-playing and fast-running, but his snuggles are few and far between making them extra sweet. Gunnar is hormonally/all-my-energy trying- I have tons of blog writing I want to catch up on and photos I want to take to remember the details of these foggy, sleep-deprived days, but it always feels better to curl up with him and nap instead when I can. Right now I have to remember I that someday again I will be able to do something besides nurse all day.

At the end of the day we're weary. It's different having Matt working from home- he's such a huge help, but then I feel guilty for needing such a huge help. We're all  thankful though because if not for him, I have a feeling we'd be having popcorn and nutragrain bars for dinners most nights. Most days I want to pack us all up and go do something fun, but navigating naptime crankies and keeping everybody happy in the car and everything fun being 30 or more minutes away makes it hard. So we stay home and I let them watch one more Curious George, and when we're comfy in our jammies after dinner and all snuggled on the same couch, nobody really cares that the laundry didn't get folded.

A book I love right now is Fit To Burst by Rachel Jankovic.
Matt picked it up for me after I mentioned it in passing, and I read it in 2 days flat, soaking it in quickly like water on a hot dry rock. I felt so understood reading her metaphor of Mommy's energy and patience being like a milkshake, and each child has a straw and wants to take a long uninterrupted drink. It's delicious to be the thing they want and need so singly, but also exhausting. Each of their needs is my choice to put the the gospel in action. An early wake up call because one disobeyed and woke up the other. A tantrum so surprising and embarrassing you don't know which part to address first. Cleaning blue marker off the window blinds and throw up off the shower curtain. Don't grow weary in doing good. I love Jesus too and I believe God, Kenna tells us. The harvest of righteousness is coming.

My babies are healthy and precious. This time is short and they DO grow up fast. Any complaint I could have about the fullness of their constant care is tempered by the thought that Kenna will go to school next year, and she'll come home to me begging to hear her talk non-stop like she does now about everything she did while away from me for 7 hours. The thought that soon Gunnar will be as big as Finn is now, but I'll actually be able to chase and catch him because I won't have a snuggly newborn in my arms. The thought that soon Finn's incredible eyelashes will draw the attention of every girl for miles. The thought that someday Matt and I can take a date night every night if we want instead of sitting on the couch cracking each other up playing words with friends, but it will be because these three tiny, precious lives no longer sleep in their little beds in our home.

Stay little, little ones. Everything else can wait.

These ARE the Christmas Memories

The closer it gets to Christmas, I've been thinking a lot about what traditions from Matt's and my childhood are important to us enough to keep doing with our kids, and what traditions they will remember or what will be important to them. There's a lot of pressure to think that Matt and I will almost single-handedly shape the memories and traditions of the way our kids celebrate a holiday so important to our faith as they go into adulthood.

I'm finding as a momma it's easy to feel like the buck stops here with traditions... and it's even easier to get wrapped up in the to-do lists and the worry that we aren't making enough/good enough memories for our children. Caught up in the decorating (and protecting the tree from the littles' occasional destructiveness), sending Christmas cards, shopping for and wrapping gifts, planning menus, making ornaments and cookies, and even trying to keep memories of my mom alive in our traditions... and all those other 'traditional' necessities that you forget to make memories in the process. Not to mention on top of all our extra responsibilities that are new this year as a senior pastor's family to a church and town that are new to us, new traditions to learn and navigate. And hold still... Mommy wants to take one more picture of you guys being so cute and Christmas-ey. Sometimes it feels so much easier to decorate the tree or make the cookies at night after the kids have gone to bed instead of putting up with the tantrums and cleaning up the epic messes and dealing with the 'over it' after just getting started just to claim it as a tradition/memory.

In the car with our marshmallows and hot chocolate, well past bedtime, ready to see some Christmas lights:

Christmas card outtakes:

Kenna and Mommy making ornaments together:

Eating Christmas Tree cakes in the kitchen:

Mommy and Kenna watching a Christmas movie (photo by Kenna):

There's a lot to remember and it can get very stressful, as we all unfortunately know. I remember vividly the Christmas that Kenna was about 2 years old (I was pregnant with Finn) and there was so much 'hustle and bustle' that what she came up with completely on her own was the phrase "ho ho hurry." Funny yes, but I don't think I will ever forget it because it's so terribly important to me that that's exactly what the Christmas season is NOT about for our family. That it is not about Santa or reindeer or shopping or hurry up or gimme gimme or even good traditions, but of hopeful and excited expectation of the birth of a baby that changed the course of the world... the only savior, the only one who can bring peace on earth, God incarnate. Oh come, Emmanuel.

So today as Finn napped in his crib and Kenna fell asleep on the couch by the light of the tree, with Christmas carols playing and me trying out a new Christmas recipe in the kitchen, i realized that these are the sights and sounds and smells of Christmas that she will start remembering this year. Yes, there will be some talk of Santa and viewings of Rudolph, riding in the car to look at Christmas lights and hot chocolate, and even some spoilage when she unwraps all those presents, but these will be her memories, and they are good memories. They are safe, happy memories of a warm home with parents and siblings who love her, and whose home hopefully exudes the love of Christ that we work so hard to celebrate and remember in the season. And that's the most important memory to me for our kids.

We have lots of blog stories to catch up on after Christmas (and hopefully after the baby comes I'll be able to keep up so that his little babyhood doesn't blink by as quickly as I'm sure a third child's does. But, until then, we wish you all who may be reading, a very Merry Christmas and a home full of the joy and peacefulness that comes not from perfectly behaved children, perfectly executed traditions, or perfectly arranged plans, but the love of that one little baby, Emmanuel, Christ with us.

Merry Christmas!

Photo A Day- August

I've been trying to think of a practical way to get back into blogging. I'm not sure when or why, but somewhere in the past 6 months at least, I've fallen out of love with documenting our days here on this little space (I'm sure it has nothing to do with going from mommy to one busy little person to two...)

What appeals to me most about websites like twitter, facebook, etc. is the ease with which you can share a quick thought and photo. So I've decided for a little while at least, one whole month, I'm going to take a picture and be sure to blog a little something about our day, every day. Even when in the moment it seems like something truly ordinary or even mundane, I know I'll look back someday on these days and wish I remembered more, wish I had documented more, wish I had savored more. Even if most of the photos are blurry cell phone shots, maybe this is a way I can do that.

Here is our day one:

In the midst of a rainy evening, I (attempted) took Kenna and Finn to Chick-Fil-A to support their "Appreciation Day." I say attempted because we never actually made it- the line was backed up about a mile away to even turn into the shopping center! In the process of turning around, we stopped at a red light and I noticed the biggest rainbow I've seen in a long time! I pointed it out to Kenna and it took her a few minutes to see it- she loves rainbows (particularly because of her favorite show right now, My Little Pony, and the character called Rainbow Dash) and was so thrilled to see one!

I look forward to teaching her someday soon about the real meaning behind rainbows from Genesis 9 and the promise from God that they represent:

 12 And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: 

¹³ I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. 

¹⁴ Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, 

¹⁵ I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. 

¹⁶ Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

Happy Easter!

We had a really busy, but really great Easter weekend! Matt had a major project due for one of his classes, and also taught Sunday school Easter morning. I had a great time with the kids leading up to Easter weekend, and we had a really fun time going to our church's annual Easter egg hunt together as a family on Saturday! Easter is such a special time to celebrate in the life of a believer, Jesus's sacrifice on the cross and vanquishing of sin and death, that we really load up on the excitement around here!

At Home:

I didn't feel brave enough yet to let Kenna loose with real dye, so we stickered some plastic eggs instead. And since Sundays are so wild and crazy in our family at this stage of life, we opened our baskets Monday morning (the day after) so we could take our time and take fun pictures!

The Color Wonder markers were a favorite with Kenna, and definitely the Hello Kitty stamps and chocolate bunny!
Finn of course, looked on with approval. Sweet brother.
My two little bunnies!

With Friends:

And we filled up a few with candy to take to our friends the Bryants' annual Easter egg hunt (here are last year's pictures). Kenna had a great time with the "candy eggs" and after she picked up the first one and discovered chocolate in it, I wasn't sure she was going to pick up any more!
Sarah's mom dresses up like the Easter bunny and I wasn't sure how Kenna would react this year... but she LOVED it. I had a hard time prying her away so that other kids could take pictures! I was so bummed that I forgot my camera, but a good friend took some photos and emailed them to me later:

At Church:

Even the threat of chilly rain (and some falling on the drive out there!) was not enough to deter us from Bayleaf's awesome Easter egg hunt.
It was so cute to see Kenna and Beckley old enough to really get into it this year... they were putting eggs in each other's baskets and Kenna helped him pick them all up when his bucket fell over. So sweet.

Our big girl took one look at the giant slide, took her shoes right off, and climbed all the way to the top by herself. I both love her brave independence and at the same time am incredulous that my baby girl could possibly be that grown up.
My little blue Easter egg snuggled up with Mommy all morning while Daddy took Kenna to all the bouncy houses. He is growing like a weed too- from the angle I was holding him, I coouldn't tell that his little newborn hat barely covers half his head anymore!

With Family:

We had our traditional delicious lunch at Matt's parents' house after chuch. Ansley helped Nana B. pick out everything for the kids' Easter buckets... they opened them in a total blur of chocolate bunnies, bubbles, play dough, and crayons. All the fun stuff!
Granddaddy had left a strip of his yard unmowed so that it would be long enough to hunt eggs in. It worked out perfectly and the weather was just gorgeous! The kids could not have had more fun finding all the eggs and inspecting their treasure (Granddaddy and Nana helped spot a few):
I wanted a cute sibling shot of my two cuties all dressed up for Easter, but it just might not be possible at these wiggly little ages. Kenna was wearing a dress my mom made and smocked for me when I was her age. Finn's was an outfit I bought when we first found out we were pregnant with Kenna- I bought a boy outfit and a girl outfit (see them here on my crafty blog!) and this was the boy one!
Granddaddy and Nana B:
The Edwards:
Us:
A sweet one of just Matt and I that Leanne took for us:
And guess who was left holding the giant chickie when it was all said and done!

Easter is one of my favorite holidays, and certainly not because of the eggs and chicks and bunnies. We serve a risen and living Savior and King! Without his death there would be no atonement for our sin, and without his resurrection, no promise for an eternal life restored to our heavenly Father.

For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. ¹⁰ The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. ¹¹ In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.
-Romans 6:9-11

I hope everyone reading had a wonderful and worshipful Easter with their families as well!

A Thankful Day.

So today is just another day, nothing special or "blog worthy" other than the fact that God has really been working on my heart about the little things... being faithful in the little things, being patient with the little things, and being thankful in the little things.

After a rough night with Kenna not going to sleep easily and waking up twice screaming her head off, she slept in (which meant I slept in!) until 10 am.

I'm thankful for that.

My husband went to class on just 2 hours of sleep because he places so much value on learning more about the word of God.

I'm thankful for him.

We were able to conveniently drive through Burger King for quick bite to eat without even having to get out of the car.

I'm thankful for that.

My diaper bag got locked in the nursery room on Sunday night, and was not only there when I went back to get it, but the lovely ladies of our church had tucked it safely away in an office drawer to protect my wallet inside.

I'm thankful for that.

I picked up a prescription for prenatal vitamins at the drugstore that was unexpectedly quite expensive, but the really nice pharmacist took a few extra minutes to redeem a coupon from my OB and a competing drug store's coupon for a free $25 gift card that we can use on diapers later.

I'm thankful for her time.

When I got groceries today and saw pouring rain, an employee brought them and put them in my car for me while I quickly got Kenna inside.

I'm thankful for his help.

I put away several bags of groceries, including cleaning supplies, diapers, and fresh fruit for Kenna because God has continually stretched our budget.

I'm thankful for His provision.

While Kenna and Matt nap in a quiet, peaceful home, I'm emailing a lovely friend that I don't get to talk to often enough.

I'm thankful for that.

I hate to think of all the days that I have struggled to find something to be thankful for, when the truth is that God's blessings envelop me daily. Truth is, this is not some revelation of just today, but something that God has had to break down my pride and selfishness to be able to realize just how perfectly He has provided for us, and how faithful He has continued to be... even sometimes in my own unfaithfulness.

"... being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." -Phillippians 1:6

"And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well." -Luke 12:29-31