"Father please forgive me for I can not compose
The fear that lives within me
Or the rate at which it grows
If struggle has a purpose
On the narrow road you’ve carved
Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar?"
DC Talk “What If I Stumble”
I hate the idea of failure. I know that no one particularly likes the idea of falling flat on their face, but I mean I am a poor loser. I don't like to lose games (like Monopoly) and I don't like to have the world laugh at me because I fell flat on my face. But this is much bigger than a board game or a trip on the stage of life. To me this is about the whole world around me looking at me as I serve God and become the "fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing."(2 Corinthians 2:15) If I fail now, the world around me may laugh at me but what if they laugh at God (wrongfully so) and turn their backs on the Lord because of me? As Christians, we already are that "fragrance," (some of us have a more pleasing odor than others) but in ministry you are taking the blind by the hand and pointing them in a one direction or another. Mistakes, just like with pointing a blind man in the wrong direction, have serious implications; people can become quite lost. Now, as Lindsey and I head down this road together, I find myself beyond excited and believe God will lead us every step of the way if we continue to follow him, I am mindful of that same fear. The idea behind that fear is slowly becoming not something I dread, but something I cling to. It will be the remembrance of that fear that keeps me humble and reminds me that I am to be confident in our calling, but mindful of my deeds. I am confident in the Lord's strength and power, but aware that even my insecurities and fears can be used by God to achieve His will. I know that even when it seems like my faults might scar the world around me, my family and myself, that I should be confident that He who has begun a good work in me will continue to do so and that He requires faith and endurance from me. What if I stumble?...He'll pick me up, dust me off, and we'll continue on together again.
Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised. Hebrews 10:35-36