Keeping it Real with Three Kiddos.

Today I am the classic no-make up mom with spit up on her shirt. Gunnar is 3 weeks old, and we are in between the extremes of such deliciously sweet snuggles and mind-numbing screaming. We've worked out a nighttime system that feels somewhat functional, but Matt and I both rise not feeling rested, and the kids wake with full-on energy. I'm thankful that these same days when the big two were each tiny have taught me that this stage is mercifully short- a few weeks really, in hindsight.

Kenna is emotionally trying- everything eventually causes a break down, every conversation requires tons of patience and explanation, but she's also my diaper-bringer and water cup-refiller and absolutely loves to hold baby brother. Finn is physically trying- so busy and rough-playing and fast-running, but his snuggles are few and far between making them extra sweet. Gunnar is hormonally/all-my-energy trying- I have tons of blog writing I want to catch up on and photos I want to take to remember the details of these foggy, sleep-deprived days, but it always feels better to curl up with him and nap instead when I can. Right now I have to remember I that someday again I will be able to do something besides nurse all day.

At the end of the day we're weary. It's different having Matt working from home- he's such a huge help, but then I feel guilty for needing such a huge help. We're all  thankful though because if not for him, I have a feeling we'd be having popcorn and nutragrain bars for dinners most nights. Most days I want to pack us all up and go do something fun, but navigating naptime crankies and keeping everybody happy in the car and everything fun being 30 or more minutes away makes it hard. So we stay home and I let them watch one more Curious George, and when we're comfy in our jammies after dinner and all snuggled on the same couch, nobody really cares that the laundry didn't get folded.

A book I love right now is Fit To Burst by Rachel Jankovic.
Matt picked it up for me after I mentioned it in passing, and I read it in 2 days flat, soaking it in quickly like water on a hot dry rock. I felt so understood reading her metaphor of Mommy's energy and patience being like a milkshake, and each child has a straw and wants to take a long uninterrupted drink. It's delicious to be the thing they want and need so singly, but also exhausting. Each of their needs is my choice to put the the gospel in action. An early wake up call because one disobeyed and woke up the other. A tantrum so surprising and embarrassing you don't know which part to address first. Cleaning blue marker off the window blinds and throw up off the shower curtain. Don't grow weary in doing good. I love Jesus too and I believe God, Kenna tells us. The harvest of righteousness is coming.

My babies are healthy and precious. This time is short and they DO grow up fast. Any complaint I could have about the fullness of their constant care is tempered by the thought that Kenna will go to school next year, and she'll come home to me begging to hear her talk non-stop like she does now about everything she did while away from me for 7 hours. The thought that soon Gunnar will be as big as Finn is now, but I'll actually be able to chase and catch him because I won't have a snuggly newborn in my arms. The thought that soon Finn's incredible eyelashes will draw the attention of every girl for miles. The thought that someday Matt and I can take a date night every night if we want instead of sitting on the couch cracking each other up playing words with friends, but it will be because these three tiny, precious lives no longer sleep in their little beds in our home.

Stay little, little ones. Everything else can wait.

Baby Catch Up.

Well, I knew it was a bit to be expected that a third sweet baby would be a little left out of the constant and consistent chronological record I dutifully kept with Kenna and only slightly less so with Finn...  but little did I know that this poor little guy would also have to contend with a packing, moving, unpacking, a new job, and a new church along with the other demands on Mommy's time of pregnancy and two big siblings! This means that there's been not a single pregnancy post about him since we announced it back in September (at which point I was already past the first trimester) and no pregnancy baby book or photo albums so far! (Although to be fair, Finn doesn't have any photo albums yet either- I'm hoping the boys won't really care about this much when they get bigger and won't take it as a sign of Mommy having favorites or anything- Kenna, who probably will be the only one to really care, already has four.)

Maybe the fact that I've tried hard to keep the blog updated will suffice- at least that's what I'm telling myself!

So I thought I'd at least try to play catch up with some of the belly photos I did sneak in here and there through all the busy days. Almost all of them were taken with the fancy photo phone Matt picked out for me, even though he does fuss about how he'd be happy to take "real ones" for me. Somehow it just feels easier to snap a quick one with my phone on the way out the door after how long it takes to get everybody dressed and ready most days!

Baby number 3! 

13 weeks:

12 Weeks 6 days

1st ultrasound! Pregnancy confirmed and ready to announce!

14 weeks

16 weeks

Momma had just gotten herself a haircut.

17 weeks

I felt so large already in this picture!

Partly the denial, but partly that little man has been measuring big all along!

It's a boy!

A friend kept the kids while we went to the ultrasound.

Kenna was a little bummed, but got right on board with brother #2!

I think the cupcake with little blue shoes helped.

18 weeks

Packing up the whole house to move, crashing on the couch at night.

22 weeks

Walking out the door, ready for church.

(At our new house by now.)

29 weeks

Matt bought me this Shelly Moore Band t-shirt for Christmas.

He was purposely hoping it would fit my belly!

32 weeks

I finally broke down and bought a few new maternity pieces, but refused to spend much. 

This shirt was one of them, $10 at Old Navy.

33 weeks

Against my will, finally wearing maternity jeans, also from Old Navy.

I hate how badly they fall down! 

This shirt was consignment, it's super comfy.

I know I did the cute little "how are you feeling" surveys with the other two, but to be honest, this pregnancy has been harder on my body than the first two and I've been trying really hard not to spend the whole time complaining. While I'm thankful to have stayed really healthy, there's been lots more aches and pains than I remembered. Maybe I'm getting older, maybe my body is saying three is my limit, or maybe being pregnant while keeping up with two older babes is just hard work, but I've been struggling especially at night with lots of pain and discomfort, and my old friend severe indigestion. And the Braxton Hicks contractions have been no joke!

We're also having a harder time naming this one than we ever have before. Of course, because we are having a boy, all I can think of is a whole list of girl names I love and I'm really struggling with the boy ones. We've agreed not to go to the hospital without a name settled, so we'll at least have a 15-20 minute drive to decide!

Thankfully, little man moves frequently and reminds me that he is almost ready to join in the fun chaos around here. Kenna is beyond thrilled "two baby brothers," and likes to say hello to my belly and give the "brand new baby" lots of kisses. Finn has just recently gotten into taking care of Kenna's "babees," mostly kissing them and putting them "night night." It's really, really sweet and I can't wait to see what he thinks about the real deal- although we'll have to watch him like a hawk! He is quick and sneaky, and plays a little rough.

Wordless Wednesday: Mommy Coaster.

Sink Baths!

Kenna has obviously seen me do this to her little brother quite a bit:
because this is how I found two of her babies, two different times this week:
Like Momma, like Kenna. It's pretty sweet (and a little scary) to see how much my big girl imitates me. Anything Momma is doing is something to be joined in with me and then emulated later on her own. I'm learning quickly that my kids will probably remember very little of what I say, but the things they observe me doing are becoming part of who they are. It's so amazing to be such a big part of their learning and growth, but also a sharp conviction to me that I need to be constantly at work being the kind of person I want them to become.

And speaking of sweet, this little man is almost too big for his bath in the bathroom sink anymore! It's almost time for kitchen sink baths (where he can sit up but still be mostly contained) and he has even sat in Kenna's big bath a handful of times now (with lots of help!)
I love his silly grunts and growls and little boy noises, and little thoughtful faces. And I'm SO thankful for that fatter, healthy little belly in the bath! Such a sweet boy!

Picture Time.

I thought I'd write this out for posterity since it was one of my first frustrating experiences with our 2 year old acting like a 2 year old in public. This might be a story that only a mom would care anything about, but I thought it was kind of funny.

I took Kenna to JC Penney to get her "18 month" pictures... when she was 21 months old. I only take her for professional pictures once every 6 months or so, and take her to JC Penney since they have such great coupons that make them really cheap! Frivolous, I know, but these kiddos grow so fast! Kenna had been getting over a cold, so I probably should have known better than to take her at that time, but I didn't want her to get any closer to 2 than she already was. So I picked out 2 dresses I loved, and even splurged $2.50 on a new pack of hairbows since her newborn ones look too tiny for her head.

In the past, Kenna has LOVED getting pictures taken. She flirted with the camera people, played with the cute little props, and we end up with super cute memories of her little personality. Well... this time started out ok. I tried to time it in the morning around nap time when she would be the in the happiest mood. It was a Saturday, super busy at the mall, and she had fun watching all the other little kids who were there to have their pictures taken.

The pictures kind of tell the story for me:
This is fun, right? Then I suggested the rocking chair since she loves hers at home. Good idea, at first.
Then she realized there were other props we were not letting her have... enter meltdown #1. Suddenly she wanted to do anything in the room except take a picture. She saw the props closet. She saw a broom and wanted to sweep. She even tried to take the camera away.
We decided to regroup for a minute- I changed her dress and they changed the background. We tried to get Kenna to sit on this super cute little box (very fall-like) and we let her pull out one or two new props of her choice.
Almost a good idea, except now we have a tiny bit of strange hairiness in the photo (a little stuffed lion). We tried the box again, and she LOST it. Meltdown #2. I had tried everything at this point. I had taken her right outside the room for a little talk about attitudes. I was having to wipe her nose every 10 seconds from all the crying and that only made her madder. I had bribed her with fruit snacks. I was sitting right next to her and she wanted me to hold her. The poor photographer was practically rolling around on the floor, trying every trick in her book.

Finally I said, "oh just take a crying one. Maybe it will be cute."
Cute, and kind-of funny. At least we have the memory right? And I'm mostly distracted by the cuteness of the bare feets anyway.

I forget what happened next (I was exhausted at this point) but she took one last picture and it was ADORABLE. Exactly what I wanted:
And when I saw it on the computer screen to order the prints? Giant snot bubble. Classic!

I guess that's what I get for torturing my kid for 30 minutes in the name of "memories." I certainly got a memory didn't I? Hard to believe, but if I take her for another picture in 6 more months, we will have a second child in the photo! Maybe she'll be so distracted by her baby that we'll get a good one.

17 Weeks and a 22 Month Old.

Our little stinker turned 22 months old yesterday... the countdown to a 2nd birthday is officially on us! I took her to get "18 month" pictures last week... we have only really taken her for the professional ones about once every 6 months, somehow the 18 month ones really got away from me! I'm realizing now I didn't even blog about her 6 month or 12 month ones that we combined with our Christmas ones if you want to see them! I will blog more about these because it was a kinda funny story.
And the pregnancy:
How far along:
17 weeks and starting to feel quite pregnant!

Size of Baby:
I think this week is a turnip.

Total Weight Gain/Loss:
5 pounds, trying to keep on track!

Maternity Clothes:
In addition to the things I wrote about last week, I'm so grateful for maternity clothes this week. My sister-in-law let me tag along to a consignment sale with her and shop on her consignor's number so that I got 75% off of everything I bought for myself and Kenna! I got 6 pieces of great condition maternity clothing, mostly nice sweaters, for only $8!! Then last night I stopped by the share shop at school before my class and found several more pieces! The share shop is such an amazing ministry at SEBTS- it's like a goodwill/thrift store that students and others donate to and then seminary students can "shop" there for free. We have been so thankful for them this past year. I found several great maternity tshirts and almost cried when I found a pair of corduroy pants from Target in my maternity size brand new with the tags on! Praise the Lord!

Gender:
Can't wait to find out- I'm ready to be able to plan what we'll need for the nursery & how much of Kenna's stuff we can reuse!

Movement:
I can feel little one hanging out around my belly button recently. He or she must have lots of room to wiggle because I've been able to feel him/her gently rolling around the past few days. When I lay very flat on my back with my belly stretched out, Matt can feel him/her too!

What I miss:
Nothing, really. I'm ready to actually look pregnant though, not just like I'm putting on weight.

Sleep:
Still having crazy and slightly disturbing dreams. I've been waking up once a night to use the bathroom, always exactly between 5 and 5:30 am... you could set a clock to me.

Symptoms:
Nothing new, but still lots of cravings. Apples, plain potato chips, and barbeque sandwiches.

Best Moment this Week:
Feeling the baby roll over, and Matt being able to feel him/her already.

What I'm looking forward to:
Knowing which gender to plan for and name!

Dip.

Kenna has decided (like her Mommy) that she is a ginormous fan of dip... ketchup, ranch, maple syrup, sour cream... even yogurt is now a dip. And our little miss independent wants to feed herself, of course. And none of that baby spoon stuff, she wants a real fork thank you very much.

Last weekend at the beach, dipping a pancake in maple syrup (her first time having it) became a sticky, delicious mess of spoon-eating the syrup and then subsequently trying to drink the syrup. I literally had to put her in the sink in the restaurant's bathroom and give her a wash-down before she could go back in the car seat to leave!
This one is really blurry (taken on the phone camera- proof that you should never leave home without your real camera when an entertaining 1 year old is around!) but pretty clearly shows her feelings on the matter of syrup:
At Moe's the kid's meal quesadilla comes with a little cup of sour cream on the side. Much to Daddy's despair (he hates sour cream!) and Mommy's delight (she looooves it) Kenna is a huge fan. Often, the cup of sour cream is licked clean and we take leftover quesadilla home.
My big girl is also spoon feeding herself now. We bought some little yogurts that ended up being perfect for her to do on her own- they are small in size and the yogurt is thick enough to stay on the spoon for her. Somehow though, it doesn't all quite make it "in."
It's also quite funny
...and takes much concentration.

Did I mention that little miss independent has a bit of an "I do it myself" attitude already? This is what happens when we try to take the dip away and clean up.
So I add that to the list of things I never thought would necessarily be joyful about motherhood, but totally are- how can you not laugh while cleaning condiments out of your baby's nostrils? I also think it may be time to purchase or make a splat mat. Any mommies of food-throwing babies have recommendations?

And just for fun, here's one more from Easter... gotta love the blue peeps.

Mothers and Daughters.

Kenna reminds us on a daily basis, in her little wordless way, that she is quickly becoming a little girl and no longer a baby. While I shower and get dressed in the mornings, she sits in my closet and tries on my shoes that will not fit her for years to come. When I put on chapstick, she wants some too, and rubs her lips together with an "mmmmm" just like me. She puts any bag she can find over her shoulder and walks around with it there, usually also with a cellphone in hand because that is what she has seen me do. For better or worse, my little girl is constantly watching me. It is a humbling and sometimes scary thing to know that I play such a large role in who she will become.
When she sits on the bathroom scale and giggles at the changing numbers, I wonder what she will remember hearing me say as she grows up. Will she focus on diets, and hear "I'm so fat" and think she needs to lose weight? Or will she know without a doubt that she is made in the image of a perfect and holy God, the only special and unique her that there is?

As we approach my third month of May that I've been a mother, I think back on the last two. On Kenna's and my first Mother's Day together, I beamed with pride over my 3-month-pregnant belly as I stood with the other mothers in church service, my own Mom having left for heaven just 4 months before. On my second, Matt and I stood together in that same church and dedicated 6-month-old Kenna to the Lord. But truly, we were dedicating ourselves- purposing in our hearts to try to constantly be a lighthouse for Kenna, leading her back to God's truth and away from the foolishness in our sinful hearts (Proverbs 22:15). What a privilege and yet what a huge challenge! Though I do it every day (and sometimes through the night), 'Mommy' is not a job I take lightly.

In a few short weeks it will be Mother's Dad again, and Kenna is suddenly a tall, sassy almost-18-month-old. She is becoming independent and still inquisitive, constantly moving, exploring, and testing boundaries. Her explorations are a dichotomy of joyfulness and pride over the things she can do, as she claps her hands and says "yaaaay!" at her accomplishments, and of the frustration over things she can not yet do. Sometimes I have to discipline her for the same sinful action over and over. Sometimes she pulls away from my kisses because she is just too busy.

But sometimes at night as I rock her to sleep and we wind down together from our busy day, she pats my back as I pat hers. We sing a song asking God to clean our hearts and give us right attitudes again (Psalm 51:10). And I'm always immensely thankful to be her Mommy.